What can I do to feel more confident?
Not surprisingly, the number one question I receive from my clients is: “How can I have more confidence?”
What is confidence? Is it a feeling? A result of positive life experiences? Does it come from our childhood upbringing? Is it part of our DNA? Is it a state of mind? In The Confidence Code by Kathy Kay and Claire Shipman, the authors write that confidence isn’t an attitude but is determined by actions you take. Confidence is built by action.
We all want do certain great things but are fearful of failure. This anxiety is normal. (See my post on Fear.) Yet a confident person acts, regardless of experiencing this fear. Think of how Brene Brown talks about the importance of courage in her book, Daring Greatly. When we are courageous and we have a good outcome we build a memory bank of positive experiences. This memory bank of positive experiences creates a feeling of confidence.
Through my work with clients, I have found that one way to manufacture confidence is to assume a posture of confidence. This confident posture communicates confidence to the viewer which in turn causes the viewer to reflect back that they’re speaking to a person with confidence. A confident posture also communicates to the body through the nervous system that the body is safe and doesn’t need to go into survival mode (fight, flight, or freeze).
But because our posture is so powerful there are ways that we undercut our confidence everyday simply by the way that we sit, stand, and walk.
Here are three shifts you can make in your body posture everyday that will change how confident you feel and how much confidence you exude:
1. Relax your body and take up more space.
We show ownership and dominance by taking up space with our bodies in any given situation. Taking the "Wonder Woman" stance is one option, but you can try a subtler tactic. Relax your shoulders and widen the expanse across your chest. Drop your hands loosely at your sides. Allow your arms to hang slightly away from your body as opposed to being pulled up or held close. A relaxed body is a sure sign of confidence.
2. Make eye contact with the person in front of you.
Often when we feel under-confident, we will unknowingly use body language that communicates our desire to escape from our current situation. Even if it feels uncomfortable, put your head on straight and point your toes directly at the person you’re talking to. Make eye contact and don’t look away or look down; allow yourself to stay with them and breathe. Carry your hands like they’re useful.
3. Keep your feet firmly planted on the floor and don’t cross your body with your arms.
Instead of hiding your torso with your hands, as we all do when we lack confidence, allow your arms to rest at your sides, revealing you torso. Stand with weight distributed evenly on both of your feet. Lift your chest and drop your chin slightly. Allow yourself to be seen. Presenting yourself to the world like this both projects confidence and communicates to your body that you are safe, creating a feeling of confidence.
Interested in knowing what your body language communicates? Read here.